New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
