You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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