I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
