You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
