Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
