The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
