found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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