Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
