I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
