the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
