I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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