Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize