Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
