I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I intend to get homeless drunk
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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