You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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