Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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