Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
