D3 body, D1 cock
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
