i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
