so that wasnt chicken after all
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
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I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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