i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
