I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
