I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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