Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We're too hungover to prance.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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