I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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