I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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