so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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