In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
