the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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