Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
