im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You ate ashes out of my bong
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
