Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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