Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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