Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can you bring me the toilet please
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
