Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
