we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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