It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
