felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
