We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
