he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
