Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
