i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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