Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
