You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize