dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
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He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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