I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
