He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
