I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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