So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
honey bunches of taint.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
