If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
