woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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