Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
