I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
