if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
