I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
