I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
