Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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