I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
