He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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