:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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