I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
