Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
