We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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