how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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