I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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