we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
