you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
