the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
