you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
